I need to get this off my chest.
I didn’t cheat and would never cheat on anyone as I think it’s morally wrong.
But, I did something that I know would crush my boyfriend if he found out.
My boyfriend and I have been together for just over four years, he’s my first real boyfriend and I’d never been with anyone else but him.
A few months ago we were going through a rough patch, it was our last exams before graduation and we spent so little time together and the time we did spend was spent talking and stressing over what we would do with our life.
We had a date night planned and at the last minute he decided to go out with all his friends and not tell me, so I sat on my own waiting at my apartment for him to come and get me for a good two hours.
He wasn’t answering his phone and he was just ignoring me.
This was the last straw and we decided to go on a break.
This is where I fucked up.
Being single was weird, I’d never had the freedom, and the first few weeks I just sat around, scared to do anything, it still felt like I was in a relationship.
Then one night I went to a pre-graduation party and this guy I had some classes with was there, he was older and the typical tall dark, and handsome popular guy.
We got drinking and talking and he ended up back at my place.
We had sex all night. He was bigger than my boyfriend and it hurt at first, but once he went down on me it was like my whole vagina felt like it was full and about to explode (in a good way).
It was like I had found a superpower, I’d never been so horny in my life, I just wanted him to fuck me and I didn’t want it to end.
This went on for a few weeks, every night he would come to my place and we would have sex, watch movies, and eat pizza.
He was a lot more experienced than my boyfriend and he taught me a lot about my own body.
As this is all happening I still deeply miss my ex-boyfriend, like I am loving my life, but I feel sad when I have time alone and I just want to call him and talk to him, but I can’t.
This is where I mess up.
I started seeing my boyfriend again.
The second it happened I called off the other guy, but I told a lie.
When my boyfriend asked if I’d been with someone else I said no.
He then started crying and said thank you, I haven’t been with anyone either, I couldn’t stop thinking about you and I was so scared it would change us and we wouldn’t be able to get back together.
We hugged, cried, and kissed and then decided to try dating again.
This was a few weeks ago and I can’t live with the guilt.
It’s eating me alive, but I know if my boyfriend knows I slept with another man and that the other man was older and more attractive than him, it will eat him alive.
I also know he will have so many questions, he doesn’t want the answers too.
My friends and the guy have said they will keep it a secret and I trust them, but I just don’t want to live with this feeling inside me.
Should I tell him part of the truth? Should I tell him all of the truth?
I just don’t want to lose him, not now our relationship is back to how it used to be and I realized it was a mistake.
I’m not sure if it’s best for me to just keep it to myself as a fun thing that happened and hope that it never gets back to my boyfriend.
I’d love to know what you think?
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