‘Not All Men Are Like That’

I’ve heard this counter-argument almost every single time I’ve tried to bring up a feminist issue with a man: “but not all men are like that!”

I know.  Not all men are rapists.  Not all men abuse their significant others.  Not all men actively oppress women.  I get it.  Moving on.

Having your gender generalized is irritating, I know.

However, generalizations about women–along with misogyny as a whole–can lead to rape, murder, abuse, belittling, harassment, wage gaps, and handfuls of other harmful things.  Generalizations about men cause hurt feelings.

Having to preface every discussion about men with “some men” is also really irritating.

Having to point out that not every man exhibits explicitly harmful behavior allows for oppression to continue because having to say “some men do harmful things” gives oppressors peace of mind.  It reassures them, falsely, that only a small portion of men behave in a way that is detrimental to the liberation of groups outside of white men (so, most people).  It reassures them that said white men don’t have to critique their own behavior or think long and hard about why their shitty behavior is damaging to everyone else.

And I’m sorry, but “it’s not my fault; I was socially conditioned to be like this and I can’t change!” isn’t going to cut it anymore.

Sure, white men–you were brought up to feel entitled to anything you wanted and now you see anyone trying to have opportunities equal to yours as a threat.

Guess what?  It’s not a threat.  Not everything belongs to you.  I know that white men before you have socially conditioned you and the world to believe that white men deserve everything, but that’s not the case.  It might not be your fault that things were systematically placed before you were even born, but it is your fault for not doing anything to change things now.

When you try to defend your stance as a man because you think you’re not at fault for how you act, you say, “not all men are like that!”

When you say, “not all men are like that!” what you’re really saying is, “I don’t want to have to think about my privilege as a white man, so I’m going to try to defer the blame to other guys because I clearly don’t act like that.”

Nice try.

37 responses to “‘Not All Men Are Like That’

    • Cut out the sexist slurs.

      And, no, feminism is not “the ultimate evolution of stupidity”. It is a set of ideas based around the amply-demonstrated fact that there is no grounds for gender inequality in society.

      • Critizing feminist is not sexism. Just like critizing the KKK isn’t racism against white people.

    • Why? Because we want to have equal rights as human beings, and we actually want to be seen as individual human beings just like men? How is that possibly stupid? Did you even read the damn post?
      Ps: Feminist men exist too. Even heterosexual ones.

  1. Can’t this argument be applied to any injustice/harm in the world?

    EX: “Well I don’t abuse animals” cool , but why aren’t you working at a shelter to help?
    EX “I’m not racist” cool, but why aren’t you joining a civil rights group”
    EX: ” I don’t litter and try to recycle when its possible” Cool but why aren’t you joining a conservation society?

    As a man who does his best to treat everyone with respect ,especially women I don’t need to be told that i’m guilty for not doing more. I could be doing more on hundreds of fronts but i’m not and neither are you. You have picked the causes you believe are important and are going above and beyond your call of duty. To tell other people who have tried their best to do well by others in general that they are guilty for being men. Well you are guilty for being human and not participating in every cause to ease human suffering. You are american. Why are you not going overseas or donating to every organization to help those in other countries? The answer is because there are just too many battles to fight. We all have the right and SHOULD fight for those causes which we have a passion for but do not try to guilt me because I am not doing exactly what you think I should be doing because odds are the same are true from my point of view for you.

    This post screams “with me or against me” and it’s a narrow and simplistic view which will only lead to frustration.

  2. I’m not inherently guilty or at fault for male privilege. I AM responsible for recognizing it, and not taking advantage of it, and not standing by idle when other people are taking advantage and I’m in a position to say/do something about it.

    The men who are angry and resistant to this very simple point are assholes, and I draw the line with me on one side and them on the other.

    • Wow, I kind of feel sorry for you dude. As a man, your far more likely to be the victim of violence. You’ll spend far more hours of your life working, but you’ll only controlled 20% of all household purchases. Even though men die younger, women’s health recieves 4 times more funding. If you ever lose your home, you’ll likely be sleeping on a park bench or in a jail cell because most shelters only give a damn about women and children. If your wife ever leaves you, she’ll be given the home you mostly paid for and you’ll have to support her. Hell, even at birth, you probably had 40% of your penis skin chopped off because girls prefer it. I don’t know about you, but none of that sounds like privilege to me.

      • amen, alll weomen have bad are a bunch of idiot old male conservatives saying they are the weaker sex,big deal, if you want to SMASH THE PATRIARCHY (lol), prove to the traditional elders you can whoop a mans ass.

  3. This is the single most idiotic article I’ve ever read.

    No, we are not correcting you because our feelings are hurt. We’re correcting you because you’re wrong and covering your ears while screaming “LALALALALA I’M NOT LISTENINGGGGGG” when we tell you that your generalized claims are pure bullshit.

    Also, your “inaction is action” idea is a fallacy – you’re either part of the solution or part of the problem, right? Wrong. Read up. http://c2.com/cgi/wiki?FalseDichotomy

    Many oppressed SJW tears were shed today.

  4. No one gets to shut down discussion with the excuse, “but not all of us are like that,” because since some men at, we need to have the discussion. But your article appears to be saying that all men are de facto guilty of original sin and are thus disallowed from participating in the discussion. If this isn’t your intent I think you need to rewrite it; if it is, you’re the one who’s shutting down the discussion.

    • Funny how even though the author went out of her way to say, “No, it’s true, obviously not all men are rapists, abusive, actively sexist,” etc., you still pretend like she didn’t do that. What’s the point if you’re just going to pretend she said something she didn’t say? Might as well just write in your journal. The offline one.

  5. I’m not surprised to see so many protestations in the comments. This article is neither insightful nor helpful. If I object to a generalisation about men, I am not rejecting my privilege. That’s ridiculous. The author lists out the harmful things that happen as women continue to be generalised. And that generalisations towards men merely ‘hurt their feelings’. First

  6. Accidentally hit ‘post’, oops!

    First, hurting people’s feelings is not okay! Second, you are pretending that men never ever suffer from patriarchal systems, which is false. The article deletes male victims of domestic violence and silences suicidal men, who often can’t speak out because they are expected to be emotionless robots. To make the distinction that all men are not like X is also essential in cases where mothers are assumed to be the better parent, and the father’s relationship with the child is curtailed or stopped. I recognize that women suffer from the patriarchy more than men. But I am not a cop out. I take quite a lot of feminist action and I try never to do harm. This article, conversely is harmful. Shame.

  7. I’m white. When people of color generalize about white people, I consider it an act of solidarity not to make it all about me and whine and complain about how “BUT I AM NOT LIKE THOSE OTHER WHITE PEOPLE!” I am like those other white people; the only salient difference is that I’m aware of my white privilege and therefore don’t consider it a valuable contribution to the conversation to try to make sure my personal feelings about being white aren’t getting hurt. Honestly, I can handle it.

    I guess a lot of men, who are posting here today, don’t have that amount of emotional strength. Chalk it up to the lousy way men are taught to deal with their emotions.

  8. “Generalizations about men cause hurt feelings.”

    Sexism to men is fine, sexism to women is a crime worth offensive blog posts about, apparently. Instead of generalizing right back as though it were some righteous crusade, why not cure the problem at the root in attempting to spread equality for all instead of venom for those on the other side. This article comes off as bitter and hateful towards all things phallic, and you should be ashamed of being so opinionated while not being willing to take a more diplomatic and productive route.

    Feminists like you have and continue to ruin the progress that other feminists have succeeded at accomplishing – this will cause only hurt feelings, and not a single rational mind to change their stance or social outlook.

    • The point is not that sexism against white men is fine, it’s that sexism against men doesn’t actually hurt the white man’s chance. It doesn’t hurt their privilege. It only hurts their feelings. In comparison, sexism against women actually boost the negative stereotypes that prevent women from getting jobs, equal pay, respect and can also cause violence against women in a large scale.

      • You are employing a rhetoric device known as Fallacy of Relative Privation, where you minimize the issues of others simply because you don’t think those are important to the cause you’re fighting for.

        Which is a nice demonstration of feminism and their supposed fight for equality, not just to tip the balance in the other direction.

  9. Pingback: Thanksgiving with Foster Brothers — A New Kind of Home | Semester of Service·

  10. How come generalizing BLACK Men is racist, but generalizing men, especially white men, as a whole is okay?

    Why is it acceptable that men are murdered and imprisoned at a higher rate than women and sent to war? Considering the fact that you said “Generalizations about men cause hurt feelings.” and nothing more. I guess the belief that men should be self-reliant means nothing to you.

    • I mean in the sense that men are murdered and imprisoned at a higher rate than women and sent to war because of the GENERALIZATION that men can be self-reliant no matter what.

    • She must be forgetting all the men that are separated from their children under the sexist notion that mommy always knows best. Or the men that are being kicked out of college because they had consensual sex with a class mate. Or the 18 year old boys who are labeled as sex offenders for having sex with their girl friends. But those are only hurt feelings. Telling dumb blonde jokes on the other had always end in rape and or murder

  11. Sure, white men–you were brought up to feel entitled to anything you wanted and now you see anyone trying to have opportunities equal to yours as a threat.”.

    What the hell are you talking about. I’m a white man and I work outside 60 hours a week to ensure my family has everything they need. But please go on about how privileged my life is. Also you femnazis sure love bitching about white men, but women in Pro dominantly White countries are far better than anywhere else. So if you hate whitey so much, go somewhere else. I’m sure you’ll get much better treatment in the middle east or Africa.

  12. ‘Having to preface every discussion about men with “some men” is also really irritating.’

    You mean you have to type seven extra letters into your claims in order to make them even remotely correct? You poor oppressed thing.

    ‘However, generalizations about women–along with misogyny as a whole–can lead to rape, murder, abuse, belittling, harassment, wage gaps, and handfuls of other harmful things.  Generalizations about men cause hurt feelings.’

    This fucking misandry annoys, misogyny kills bullshit again. You know who might disagree? Men who die in war for a government who sees them as cattle and women who think men owe it to them to be on the draft. You know who else might disagree? A falsely accused rapist who was tortured and raped by prison security. And of course, the big feminist issues of the Western world are men taking up too much space on public transport and Robin Thicke’s latest hit single.

    ‘Having to point out that not every man exhibits explicitly harmful behavior allows for oppression to continue because having to say “some men do harmful things” gives oppressors peace of mind.’

    But not all feminists hate men and how dare anyone make such radical claims!

    ‘Sure, white men–you were brought up to feel entitled to anything you wanted and now you see anyone trying to have opportunities equal to yours as a threat.’

    No – no we don’t. This is a completely baseless claim made to generalise a group you don’t like. Do you know how white men are raised? To respect women, treasure diversity, share our privileges and be generous to the poor, to our guests and to the people we love. Granted, a sizeable (although far from majority) portion of white men don’t express these values that modern society instills on us. This in no way demonizes white men.

  13. This post and it’s strong inequality message has depressed me and I want to die.

    Can you come over to Canary Islands to kill me in person? Don’t worry about expenses, I’ll cover them.

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